Self and Ego

Lately I have been thinking about what is Self and what is Ego.  They are two different words with similar meaning.  Yet, good ole Webster's seems to see them as different and so did I.   I have been internally working through some things lately on a personal level, and I was trying to figure out if it was my Self doing the talking in my head or my Ego.  I asked around, in a sort of secrete pole, and got interpretations all over the place.  Some people said they were the same thing.  Others said they needed to be separated.  While the majority fell someplace in the middle.  

Before kids I used to see most things in black and white.  Now after having kids I see most things in gray.  It really depends on your circumstance, morals, beliefs, time and place.  I now see rules, procedures, policies etc..., more as guidelines or goals.  People really need to be addressed as individuals and not groups, statistics, majorities or minorities.  As a society we are always trying to put people in boxes or assign/attach labels to them.  Well frankly that's bunk.  What's good for one is not always appropriate for all.  We are all different people and all of our own one self.  

So this brings me back to my question, that no one can give me (personally) a satisfactory answer to.  Finally after some more time, thought and discussion I realized why.  We all operate on our own free will, and our own thoughts, so therefore we can get input or guidance, but for this to have personal meaning that makes sense to me, has to come from within me.  It has to come from my situation, experience, knowledge base and personal belief system.  This is a conclusion I had to draw on my own, and one that will probably change as I grow, evolve and change in the avenues of my personal being.  

Now I can go on and on about the meanings of self and ego and how I differentiate between the two, but that would be pointless because to you it will not have the exact same meaning as it does to me and therefore would be a waste of every one's time.  However, if you are like me you want to know what conclusions I drew. So here is a brief summary…

Self and Ego may be two different words, but they cannot totally be separate.  We cannot have one without the other.  Our ego is like the impulsive immature child in all of us, that propels our self forward.  Our egos, desire reinforcement, essentially they need to be stroked from time to time.  Our ego best serves us when reinforced in a positive way that keeps it in line and functioning to move our self forward.  This can be done by others or by our own self thanking our ego’s when they have served us well.  Ego not properly reinforced, can easily take over and that is when problems arise.  Our self is like the wiser, seasoned teacher, keeping the ego in line.  Our self needs our ego for the ideas and inspiration to move us forward, but our self is the one that takes us through the steps, and makes us do the hard work to get us to where we are heading. Our self, desires reward too, but for self the reward can come from within its self.  

Seasons of Change

The shifting of seasons is a wonderful thing.  I love living in an area we are have four distinct seasons.    However, this year saying good bye to summer is a bit unsettling for me.  Many things in life seem to be shifting, right now as the door is closing on summer.  Last fall and winter was rough.  We said goodbye to my grandmother and Abel became very ill with pneumonia.  I spent last fall and winter in survival mode trying to hold myself together and keep Abel alive.  We managed but it is not a fate I would wish upon anyone.  With winter seems to come more illness and things seemed to get passed from one person to another more easily with kids in school and people being cooped up indoors.  Last winter I helped give Abel the medicine only a mother can give to a child, breast milk.  This last week I let go of my milk supply.  After two and a half years of pumping milk for Abel and nursing Eloise, I dried up.  This is a difficult thing for me, knowing all the wonderful immunities and healing properties that are passed  on to kids through breast milk.  Many refer to breast milk as natures nectar and I believe that.   I know it happened for a reason but it's still difficult to let go of something that's served my kids so well and been a part of me and my routine for so long.  However, I have to realize Abel is in a much better place then he was a year ago.  He's growing up and I have to allow him to do so.
Other things are shifting for me as well.  I realize I need to re find my sense of self and what it is I need personally.  I am feeling a strong need right now to be less dependent upon others, to reclaim my space, start giving back to others, eat better, make time for me, exercise and get back on the path of the journey that's mine.  I have a lot big things to get done and a lot of projects waiting to be started.  My first big task this winter is my book.  Yes, I writing a book.  It's a kids story about Abel and Dune and their adventures to a ball park.
I have a to do list miles long, and it will not get done unless I stop thinking and just start acting.  I just need to keep reminding myself just take care of the pieces and the list will take care of itself.