Seasons of Change

The shifting of seasons is a wonderful thing.  I love living in an area we are have four distinct seasons.    However, this year saying good bye to summer is a bit unsettling for me.  Many things in life seem to be shifting, right now as the door is closing on summer.  Last fall and winter was rough.  We said goodbye to my grandmother and Abel became very ill with pneumonia.  I spent last fall and winter in survival mode trying to hold myself together and keep Abel alive.  We managed but it is not a fate I would wish upon anyone.  With winter seems to come more illness and things seemed to get passed from one person to another more easily with kids in school and people being cooped up indoors.  Last winter I helped give Abel the medicine only a mother can give to a child, breast milk.  This last week I let go of my milk supply.  After two and a half years of pumping milk for Abel and nursing Eloise, I dried up.  This is a difficult thing for me, knowing all the wonderful immunities and healing properties that are passed  on to kids through breast milk.  Many refer to breast milk as natures nectar and I believe that.   I know it happened for a reason but it's still difficult to let go of something that's served my kids so well and been a part of me and my routine for so long.  However, I have to realize Abel is in a much better place then he was a year ago.  He's growing up and I have to allow him to do so.
Other things are shifting for me as well.  I realize I need to re find my sense of self and what it is I need personally.  I am feeling a strong need right now to be less dependent upon others, to reclaim my space, start giving back to others, eat better, make time for me, exercise and get back on the path of the journey that's mine.  I have a lot big things to get done and a lot of projects waiting to be started.  My first big task this winter is my book.  Yes, I writing a book.  It's a kids story about Abel and Dune and their adventures to a ball park.
I have a to do list miles long, and it will not get done unless I stop thinking and just start acting.  I just need to keep reminding myself just take care of the pieces and the list will take care of itself.